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Thursday, March 18, 2010

...post revelation days...

ermm...i've been experiencing a roller coaster emotional stability...

averaging all, i want to stay happy and healthy and pretty...

my writing freedom has been restricted...do i care?!! yess...i feel gloomy...

it's decided i'll just be me...thank you...

yesterday, a friend - W announcing to my section in the office (there were 8 people altogether within the hearing distance) a sarcastic remark:

cinderella hepi ker?!!

W grinned and chuckled...

sape cinderella?!! - my other friend Z snapped at W...

ehh, tak, aku caring hal kawan2 - W replied unguiltily...

oo..ya Allah...unable to express my anger does not mean that i'm not...for me, marah itu bukanlah sifat manusia...itu sifat Yang Maha Esa...

to W, you have your rights to read...yes...i made it public...but, please don't violate my rights...please don't put up a show...thanks for being caring...i appreciate that but you're not the only one...you may give comments here...or send e-mails to me, please...use the technology, OK...we're modern people...

blogging is not new to me...i've been writing (or, should i rephrase as typing) for the past 7 years++...my fellow readers had never interrupted my storyline...they seek me personally for extra clarification...

this bring me to another friend - G who upsets me recently...i'm not really sure who is G...hence, let's just assume G as an anonymous guy who happens to be a friend of S and also a friend of me...

the fact: G was the one who told S about 'malay cinderella'...

i don't know what was G's intention in doing so...i hope it was a good one...tell me, please...

to G, you have your rights to read too...yes, you're welcome...but, i think it's my rights for you to have several words with me first...you should have came and really confirmed your guess of S directly with me...i admitted it was my mistake in making it soooo obvious...but, still, we might discuss things...

i've never mentioned directly i'm falling for S...you, G and other readers might be interpretting differently...that will be your thoughts...i respected that...

in my previous posts, i did share how scared i am to open up...so, i'm still in the developing phase myself...i start building my foundation slowly...do you get my point here? i want to discover it by myself - be it in a simple or hard way...i shared my journey here but i don't expect my piling came tumbling down just like that...this is what i called a sabotage...again, i don't know what is your good intention - meddling into my world...

when, you know, all this while, my friends have been following my stories too...they came and asked figuring who is S...i answered when i want to...

even the closest friend of S and me - F do not cross the line...F let me be me...

because of what?!!
because nobody really knows how does the relationship really is between S and me...nobody can tell...i'm just happy i care...this is not a surprise...i care for many others too...

reevaluating myself, i'm accepting my fate...Allah wills it to happen...alhamdulillah..

we're good friends...i will always be...i do want to care..as usual...just let me be...

p/s: my mama read my blog too...i love you, mama :)

enough on this, other happenings:

1. my blergghhhh job - currently i'm charting 4 options to be discussed with my unhelpful boss...all the best dear boss in answering Him later...once i'm ready, will share it here...
2. my home hunting - i will decide by end of this month...will be viewing 3 more apartments...and planning to visit MAPEX this weekend...
3. my fitness - Towerthon Challenge this Sunday...yeay...

currently still reading 'Lasykar Pelangi' - stucked at page 54...hurmm...Pesta Buku Antarabangsa starts today...oh noo....oh noo....gilalah saya...hehe...tapi kan...in my new home - insyaAllah i will have a library...yeay...yeay...

3 comments:

zarith said...

1. aku macam tahu sape sebab aku pun dengar
2. nak join house hunting gak
1. nak library kat umah gak

B said...

i dont know who these people or even who you are, but i've been following ur blog for awhile. from your story, i can see why you're not happy with w, as i myself wouldn't tolerate such public humiliation. however i totally cannot understand why you're angry at g. when you chose to write the story of life in a blog, you should have also understood that anybody has the right to talk about what they read, and to anybody, including someone who's a character in your entry. i wonder if you're actually unhappy because things between u and s are not turning as you want it to be (i'm guessing). and i wonder should things had gone better for you, if you would be feeling the same way towards g, or any other person who might have told s about the existence of this blog.

Aliza said...

zarith - iye...ko mmg lah tau...comel kawan aku tu...haha...hal rumah nnt kite diskas2...

B - saya x marah pun...ohh...things between me and S?!!! haa...itulah yg orang ramai tidak faham dan tidak tahu...every r/ship is unique depending on the individuals involved...kami baik2 saja...kalau ade jodoh, tak ke mana...percaya je qada' & qadarNya...He has plans and He wills...