...pegun...

that's what i feel right now...

...i want to talk...

or let me rephrase it as i want to have a talk...like we used to...

no...i don't talk...i just want to hear and listen to you...be mad at me...as usual...

rasenye kalu kite kol awak malam ni, awak nak cakap tak?

mls

ok, kite cakap bile awak nak cakaplah...

12 silent days since then...

and i'm being afraid just to ask how are you - everything's a mess now...

they say: many relationships break off because of a wrong speech...

i am really sorry...

people do make mistakes...i have my shortcomings and weaknesses - because of which i never find a better friend than you...(i wonder if this sentence is a wrong speech, aduuuuu)

i still sensed coldness today...and i'm sorry again i LOVE you...

seharum kasturi seindah pelangi

segalanya bermula di hati~~~

...cruel love...

is when they LOVE you...

and so, they can't LOVE you...

so that, you can and will LOVE you...

and later, they will and can LOVE you...

----------------------------------------------------------------------

thank you, LOVE!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

with LOVE, i LOVE~~~ insyaAllah

...take me home to the place i belong...

Sihat..Naper..

Tade apelah, saje je

ooo dear you, how can i tell you that i was scared?

i was scared of not hearing from you...i miss you one...

and i was scared on which way should i care...i miss you two...

and i was scared where should i stand?i miss you three...

i'm just scared...

it has been a week...

and i'm settling to be somebody to myself...

the art of being selfish - something that i need to learn...

yet, i am selfish - but it is the other way round - i never realised that until you kinda slapped me...

i'm exhausting a lot of people who loves me...unintentionally...

you foresee that i must be strong...i will sayang, i will...

yes, really, i am alone... i need to accept and stop being stubborn...

but, i can't agree with you that i'm dishonest...

i guess nobody understand... i just don't trust people easily...(and it's kinda weird i can share this with the world instead)

i did went to seek help...i was anxious each time...i don't like that feeling OK...and it turned out that the helper's conclusions were waayyyy far from what i'm trying to convey...i quit...i am sorry...

but still, i keep on searching for other alternatives...i'm trying not to worry you, of all people...

and i'm also surrendering a precious piece of my heart...i have my reasons...this is difficult...Allah je yang tau...

haa, looks like that i'm miserable,kan?! - but, actually, NO...hehe...

i find myself more calm now...more carefree...i trashed all negativities around me...i lead a simpler way of life...

i'm readjusting...

i smile more...

dear, i miss you...

i promise to be better day by day...insyaAllah...

and i need you...

you 'penting' to me...

take care darling :)

...poison...

is not a burden...

kepada Allah jualah tempat kembali bagi kami...

...you should know...

i am dedicating this to my one special darling...

hey dear, i was hurt...

i am deeply sorry...

please forgive me...

i can hear and listen and read just about anything...

but, please please don't ever ever say ' x penting'...

the feeling of 'x penting' is sooo sooo dreadful...

if living is without you, i can't give, i can't give anymore~~~

i love Allah, i love you

...my this old man...

in a valiant manner, i walked up to straighten things out between me and my this old man...it turned out that me and my this old man long talk was still going to be a crap business as usual...my this old man will never change...i've had enough...i'm taking charge now...

my this old man...he played one...
he played knick knacks towards my friends and me...

my this old man...he played two...
two of my friends are leaving for a betterment...

my this old man...he played three...
i can't understand why i'm the one who feels disgrace facing my this old man who ermmm (i have no suitable word to describe him - and it's not right for me to simply accuse my this old man for this and that and this and that- only He judge) four fingers pointing back at me, lehh...Ok, i forgive my this old man already...

my this old man...he played four...
hey, we're technically match...human factor is left out...i'm the sensitive girl...
this does not work...i have no control...
and so, my this old man have no expectations...

my this old man...he played five...
at the end of the day, you are a part of the system where business matters...
don't i know? my this old man, please tell me...

my this old man...he played six...
i have friends...so long then, my this old man...

Allah loves me and my this old man...insyaAllah...
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what drives me - saya ada cinta...alhamdulillah...

...cintailah aku sepenuh hati...

oh yeah...i cried early yesterday morning on my way to the office while listening to the title song playing on HotFM...a triggered stream of tears flowing down my sweet cheeks...i sang along as well...

sesungguhnya akuuu tak ingin kau pergi...takkan mampu kuhadapi dunia ini~~~
tiada arti semua bila kau pergi~~~

ohhh...

starting last week, i'm fetching my friend N to work as she's at her final stage of pregnancy...it so happened that yesterday, N had a headache and so, I went to work alone...OKlaa...

my mind drifted...

and out of sudden, i received a text message while driving...

i cried...slow and warm...

i reached the basement parking of my office...there, i texted my reply...

hahaha...nothing to do with the contents from the sender...i hardly read them anyway...
it was the situation and it was HIm...

i was fragile...

F tapped me back after breakfast...

come on lah aliza, awak nangis bukan sbb sms...tapi the fact is N tak g keje ngan awak harini...awak rase awak sorang di saat awak sedih dan dtg pulak sms yg tak ade kene mengene time lagu bukan-bukan...yg kene-mengene 'die', betul?!!

yes, darling...

i still care...always...insyaAllah :)

...belaian jiwa...

i was in shock last thursday...

moving on is certainly soo soo OK...(in japanese, it's maa maa)

i cried...and i had a breakdown...

reflecting back, i then became over posi+ive...

different girlfriends, different views - listen to none, but few advices run through me... i love all of you regardless...

tumpang kasih, please...

suka atau tidak,

kalau tak suka, terserah~~~

and these are all rezeki duniawi...glad and blessed to have...

suatu hari nanti...insyaAllah...

as of now, really really grateful for His gifts...

happy with every time of my worldly life...

jadi je kawan kite...

false hope?!! nobody can't be sure...

i live my life my way - i have hope and i have lots and lots and lots of LOVE...and He loves all and me...subhanallah...

...more than a second chance (i think it's the fifth)...

dunia penuh dugaannya
jahat hasutan manusia
selamatkanlah dirimu~~~

...dengarkanlah...

oooo...
berkerdipan bintang di langit malam
meneman bulan
mengasyikkan
memadu asmara di sebalik awan

oh bulan
ku ingin berterus terang
meluahkan perasaan

*
angin lalu meniup
menghembus membisik namamu
menemankan senyuman menawan
dibuai khayalan
bahagia itu yang aku inginkan
milik kita selamanya

**
dengarkanlah laguku
kuciptakan untukmu
menghargai dirimu di sisiku

dengarkanlah laguku
kunyanyikan untukmu
buat sekian lama
hanyalah dikau di hatiku
oh…

Ulang *

Ulang **

oo...percaya dengan
segala yang kujanjikan
hidup bersama
seperti bulan dan bintang
ooo...

Ulang **

dengarkanlah...

...i am both...

rabbighfirlii (Tuhanku, ampuni aku)
warhamnii (sayangi aku)
wajburrnii (tutuplah aib-aibku)
warfaa'nii (angkatlah darjatku)
warzuqnii (berilah aku rezeki)
wahdinii (berilah aku petunjuk)
wa'aafinii (sihatkanlah aku)
wa'fu'annii (ampuni aku)

it's been awhile...i'm adjusting to my hardworking self...i've been caught up with soooo many things...some at my best and some at my worst..restless...ohh my...

am discovering a new me too...actually, not new...i'm living it for sooo long - it has become chronic...haha...

close friends 'see' me...yeay...yeay...thanks honeykins - you know who you are *wink*wink*

am i rational?!! now, yess...my mood is sunny...i always believe people can read emotions...interpretation-wise will be different...should i care?!! NO...

but, i care...haa...sooo soooo me...my weakness yet to be resolved...

i've figure out too that my weakness is i let myself think i have weaknesses...instead of other merry merry things that i should be grateful for...

i shine...ya Allah, thank you...

i never unlove and i never love enough...a lover i am...ohh... i love...i love...

i'm hiding under a strong shell...this shell shields me...

the tender, fragile, innocent me...
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my 7-12 : story is coming up...teaches me a lot on patience and perseverance...

my current reading: Hikayat Puteri-puteri Rasulullah S.A.W.

my current listening: Baby by Justin Bieber...hahahaha

my EXPRO Sorak team: been good...yeay...EXPRO Boleh!

my main air kelas: no talent at this :P finishing by next week...yeay...

my running: SCKLM coming up...yeay...another 10km medal...insyaAllah...

my friends weddings: lots of happy couples...yeay...congratulations...wishing all of you love of a lifetime...lovely lovely Esha and Nik, Teh Hayana and hubby, sweet Diba and abang Limauku, Mukmin and Rima, Zaza and hubby, abang Azranku and wife...

and this coming weekend will be my darling Iyzee with Abid and Fakri to Hasnah...yeay...

oo Allah the Almighty, have mercy on us all...do save Palestine...astaghfirullah...inna lillahi wainna ilaihir ro ji'uun...

and i love You...cintaku keranaNya...