...foreign emotion...

ermm...jangan putus asa dengan rahmat dan pertolongan Allah,

kalau kite dh bjaye tawakkal, itu tandenye kite x putus asa dgn Allah

thank you S...

i got this advice from S yesterday morning when i voiced out my miserableness in accepting my fate...it sure is difficult...

OK, i will put my best to really humbling myself in accepting His wills...insyaAllah...

oo Allah, please cure my stubbornness...and give me simple signs...

love me and love S dearly please...aminn...

and yesterday, S received happy news...made him feel good...i feel good too...and i'm proud of S's achievement...congratulations...Allah Maha Adil...

what is a foreign emotion?!!
ermm, actually it stems out from a feeling i can't possibly describe...

i've been thinking about this 2 days ago:

you see, after all frank confessions that i've made public here...never had i cared enough to consider what will i feel if i am S...these things do not happen to me...

reading back all my posts, i still can't feel what i think it should be felt like...

i want to feel but i am not S...

to my readers out there, you're reading my feelings, right?!! my stories are my stories (meaning: my side)...

what if you're S?!! how would you feel?
you can't feel, right?

only S knows...

haaa...i'm in dilemma...

one of my bestie said: it's OK dear, your posts are anonymously written...S is S...he's not *a*a*u*...

now, i am back to square one...i am 'mambar' - i am not happy, i am not not happy also...i am me...

and i love because of Him...He knows...

ohh liza, please be realistic...

OK, i write what i feel right now...my feelings are pure and dynamic...
i believe i love because of Him...i don't know S...

i want to know S if and only if S wants to know me too...

kalau sudah berkenan di hati, berterus-teranglah (i am not ready) dan minta dia meminang (my wish)...

but, as i've made a promise to S that i will strive to really tawakkal, then all shall be placed upon His wills...

and i've got a note from another bestie: aliza...ko rase ko dh jumpe yg baik...itu ko rase...cube ko bukak lagi, ko jumpe yg lg baik...kite x tau kan...mase tu nnt ko terpk balik, knape laa ko suke yg sebelum ni...kan dah brape kali rase...

i nodded...yess...

and jodoh bukan jodoh sehinggalah sudah ijab dan kabul...Allahuakbar...