...fear of dependency...

finally, i've managed to unveil this phobic ailment within me...

last wednesday, i accompanied Q to buy her prepaid top up ticket...and we were quite impressed with a new Sony Ericsson mobile phone (i don't know the model series)...oo...maybe i just like the limited edition version in sweet pink casing...

and so, i asked how much will i get for trading in my old Nokia 6500 slide...around RM350...hurmm...

i went back home that evening searching for my Nokia's box and whatnots...hey, i've been using it for nearly 2 years, folks! hence, a good deal if i could secure RM300, right?!hahaha

oklaa...that's not the point, really...

now, having known that i've been stucked with this Nokia for 2 years is telling me that i've been almost independent for 3 years ++...i can say my life was a bliss but i've been hiding...i thought that i've given myself chances...

oh no...actually i've dismissed myself...

blame it on my past experiences...i've become extra cautious at everytime...i've been running...i've neglected many regards, attention directed in my way...just like that...

don't get me wrong...i'm not playing 'hard to get'...i am naturally a simple girl...i just couldn't be fair with my healing time...which was sad...

so now, i need to overcome my fear of dependency...

being independent is good, but sometimes being dependent is better...see in which angle you're referring to...

i can depend on S when it comes to being sick (sakit kakilah, demamlah, batuklah), work problems, house problems...and i love discussions of my soul searching...S gives me something to ponder...and i can share my joy as well...my guess, again, S cared...a little...

and so, i become scared...

current happening:

last friday, i depended on S...huhu...we had a convoy trip upon my initiation...i believe He wills it...alhamdulillah...S did care...a little...

yes, S had mentioned that he's going with the flow...but hey, you know what?!!

i am scared...

Allahuakbar...yesterday, we met for the first time for the year 2010..haaaaa :)

eventually, our paths surely crossed with Allah's wills...insyaAllah...

p/s: i would want to update on many many other things (my blergghhh job, my home hunting, my upcoming trip) but it seems that i'm settling for this weird encounter of me and S...friends, pray for the best...i truly appreciate that...thanks!