...my happiness...

is totally indescribable...

i seek for it everytime...

today, i got a feeling this is a good time to write...i just feel wonderful...from my heart, i know in the next few lines, they are all pure expressions from me...

i currently read '7 things to talk about'...finished one chapter last night...it's a moderate reading...hence, i should balance out with a lighter book - will pick 'Lasykar Pelangi'...huuu...

i went to 2 friends' wedding receptions - both in Pontian...i love weddings...Ujie and Hana - congratulations to both of you and dear husbands...

in the middle of the 2 occasions (one occurring on 13 Feb while the other on 14 Feb), i've got a chance for a nature escape to Taman Negara Tanjung Piai together with Shon and Waida...it was a refreshing moment for the three of us...calming...ohh....considering our day-to-day hectic KL life...seeing monkeys and 'belacak' and molluscs...ohh what a bliss...smelling the mud of mangrove forests...even the sampans and perahus made me over excited...hahaha...

OK...now's the title entry...

last Tuesday, something struck me...it made me down the whole day...i was wrecked...

i was told that i was not moving on...

true in a sense that i've never think on the other perspective...being me, i analyzed and took positive way out (on almost everything)...this manner exhausted me...at some points...

i cried several times that day...i was sad...

luckily, Allah did send pretty angels...Abie, Yulie, Bearbear, Mas and even Beebee (jarak di antara kita...beribu batuu~~~rindu pada kamuuu~~)...

what happen was i finally open up/back my heart...and this leads to longing and hope and expectation...i created that...to myself...it is an illusion...and it was bad for my soul...i become dependent...

what is worse - i am hoping and leaning at something invisible and beyond my control...like my wise Abie said to me: "ko tak jumpe pun, ko boleh suke, parah nehh..."

nearly 2 months OK - me and my 'sandaran'...seems unrealistic (to most sane people)...but, saya ialah begini...no mistake...

my sweethearts are grateful when i'm finally opening up...a good step...yess...

but, if it's only me and my stubbornness - that is wrong...now, my sweethearts are worried of me getting hurt...again...by myself...

after a while, i'm back to my ultimate lover, Allah the Almighty...with Him, i corrected my intention...i completely surrendered to Him...insyaAllah...He calms me now...

i still open my heart...and my desire to halfly fulfill my religion is there...with His blessings, He shall rejoin me with His lover to guide me to His Jannah...insyaAllah...aminn...

p/s: S and me...hermm...no expectations... a good feeling there is...