...does S see me?!!

honestly, i don’t know…S and me haven’t met each other almost 40++ days now…

somehow, at this moment, i’ve come to the stage where my heart feels His LOVE…

Allah has shown me another dimension of life…a tragic event…loss of loved ones…

i now realize i should be true to myself…i am more accepting now…because i know Allah loves me…

and so i can LOVE too…without fear…Allah will protect me…

and so i care…for S…unconditionally…

i must take it easy on me…and S…

NO more too much thinking…i like the advice taken from lifebook 2010 (thanks Anna): “don’t take yourself too seriously, nobody else does.”

with that in mind, i’ve found a new hope…and i think the first failure is to not trying at all…i give myself chances all the time and most importantly, i believe in His LOVE…

here’s an incident with Mama –

Mama: Bakpo ni siku ni lagu ni?!! (pointing at my not-so nice marked elbow)
Me: Meme bughok lamo doh…
Mama: Tulah hok paling molek sekali…

alhamdulillah…thank you Mama…you see the perfect me in every way…
ergo, i now see others' perfectness too…

back to the question, Allah knows what’s best because He loves me and He loves S too…

if we’re destined to be together, Allah surely leads in His blessings…and if we weren’t meant for each other, please, oo Allah, do part us in Your Blessings too…insyaAllah…

i do what i want to and i’ve nothing to lose…i just LOVE~~~

S, kenape kite kawan macam ni?!!

an SMS from my bestie F: Huhu.Jgn la tanya.Soalan tu mcm pelik...
my reply to F: Kite kan pelik,kite tau tu,haha

oklaa...my happenings recently...

books i've read in the last 2 weeks: 101 Things to Do Before You DIET, Jadilah Wanita Terpuji Dunia & Akhirat
currently reading: Letters to Sam

latest movie i've watched: Adnan Sempit (4.03 stars) - an enjoyable outing - Thanks Mas!

congrats to Raf and Kasya on their wedding...

Ayu and Apisku moved in to their new crib...nice...hey, when can i come visit?

Ryan went for 25000km service, haven't renewed Shin Chan's road tax yet...and guess what - arwah Jack 'mati hidup semula'...this is interesting...i'll cover this one sometimes later...

and just two days ago, i've successfully registered for Energizer Night Race 2010...yeay...yeay...

...two posi+ve signs...

lalalalalalalala~~~

uhukk...uhukk... (am still coughing)

but somebody do cares...

:) :) :)

...mim yaa sin ha yaa mim...

huhuhu...can aa?!!

read something wonderful at hana's blog...

and so, i've come up with my own version...

budak berangan like me~~~

ohh...kamon...

all these berangan thingy keeps me sane...

i now pronounce 2010 to be my LOVE spirit year!

yeay...yeay...

my perception of LOVE (at present) : i want to fall in LOVE but i don't need to...i will fall once i know the one will catch me...

i am colouring my life...and i love many others who love me too...and i like these phrases (got it from Erin's blog): choose the one you LOVE and then LOVE the one you choose...i am treating someone...

i get to ride and live in this world with only one journey...i need to have as many fond memories ever...i am happy i care...and i understand the reality of people who are unable to return the same feelings...i respected that...please respect mine too...when i want to, just let me be...

as long as no harm to me, you make me happy...

kasihku keranaNya...insyaAllah...

...buat Bidibku sayang...

aku merinduimu...ting tong!

these words have always been the mukaddimah to our e-mail messages...

and you always seem pleased to be chatting in Malay with me...

hahaha...duduk Manchester kene spekong ye yang...cakap Melayu ngan aku ni klasik laa pulak kan...

hey, you still owe me the mysterious 'ring' story...jangan buat-buat lupa...akan kutuntut...

and today, i feel blessed to know that i've found someone who can aged gracefully together with me...you go, first...hahahaha

Happy Birthday, Bidibku sayang...have a great one :)

i sing for you~~~

awan berarak ceria

tiada titisan hujan

pohon melambai tanda sokongan

kususuri perjalanan

bertemankan senyuman

di hari lahirmu, sahabatku~~~

dedaun berguguran

membuktikan kedewasaan

walau tanpa madah dan hadiah

namun cukup bagiku sekadar ucapan

selamat hari lahir

iringi doa kuhulur

bersyukur kepadaNya

atas nikmat usia

sahabatku

usia yang Tuhan kurniakan ini

hiasilah ia dengan amalan yang murni

semoga ia menjadi temanmu di akhirat nanti

selamat hari lahir

usiamu ibarat mutiara

tiada berganti lagi

hiaskan iman bersulam taqwa

agar sempat mengucup

haruman syurgawi

...a big Step...

I take care of myself…I really do…greatly…And I take care of many others…this, I believe…

Ergo, it is a big step for me when I want to let another being to care for me…hehe…

I just want~~~

Did I ask for it?!! yup…And it happened…

S cared…a little…

I felt relieved …and…magical…and somewhat happy :)

Please care more….

Haaaa…berangan laa kau sorang!

OK, the story…

I was a bit miserable last night…I came back late and discovered that the only light in my room can’t be switched on…and the light was not even blinking…at both ends of its bulb, still orange light appeared…

I would’ve called Abah but I know that he and Mama were attending kuliah at the surau…Abema’s still in Bandung and Jemi’s working night shift this time around…

I was left with S…haha…ohh Liza, please admit that you wanted S to care…heeeee :)

And so, I texted S…a simple message indicating my so-called light problem…I then waited for S to reply…

But hey…my phone’s ringing…Gosh, I never expected this….

Yeay, I picked it up…and S and me did talking…

I was shaking (probably because of I was shocked)…S was calm, I guess…at the other end, I thought that S laughed figuring how disorderly I am…haha…I laughed at myself too…

S’s first concern was am I alone?!! Apparently, yes without my roomie (she’s attending a course in Kerteh)…and my other 2 housies already nestled in their own rooms…I am YES & NO alone…

S then suggesting two possibilities – either the starter or the bulb…I was blurred…and S talked about black marks (I know nothing about)…I only grasped the key: starter/bulb and I can’t possibly resolve the matter that night…

I like the idea of S’s immediate call :) I thanked him…

After we hung up, I stared at the light and realized my room ceiling is way too high…I texted S again…

No call now, but S replied back he can’t be of much help since he’s staying in Shah Alam this week…and I will need a ladder…which No14 doesn’t have…I assured S that I’ll ask the neighbours…

Nothing much can be done…at 930pm, I was already disappointed…I can’t read, I can’t write…Living room was not an option…

Last SMS of the day: Gelapnye, gud nite S

Here came the reply: Huhu.Ok, gelap sng tido, hehe.

I dozed off smiling…zZzzZzzz…dreaming…dreaming of the light at the end of the tunnel…

...berat mata memandang...

haaaaa...mungkinlah...

especially when you now have limited pandangan...

nevertheless, i'm truly grateful & blessed for i still can see...

i still can see...alhamdulillah...yess...i SEE you...

yesterday, i went for my countless post-eye surgery follow up at ISEC, Midvalley...it has been nearly 2 1/2 months since i had my trabeculectomy operation on my right eye (my left's undergone the same one in August)...it was a simple procedure whereby an artificial tube was implanted at the back of my eyeballs so that i can cry with tears flowing :( sobsob...

my bleb (both eyes) still held tiny stitches as my opthalmologist advised me not to remove them so long as i can control my eye stress level...i will be HAPPY all the time...to SEE...insyaAllah...

wonder how exclusive my eyes now become?!!

hurmm...

Mama, Ja OK doh...Dokto tok ghoyak gapo2...

Stress pung OK, kane tigo belah, hok lek kighi ni duo belah... (normal range: 10 - 12)

the truth is, i did a visual field test yesterday...it's to measure the areas of my vision ability...at the age of 26++, my results can't be well accepted...but that's there to it...huhuhu...

my left eye now sees with around 19% vision ability...the rest are blind spots...

luckily, my right eye survived with 65% vision ability...yeay...

affecting my life?!!

a little, yess...

my undamaged left eye optic nerves are located mainly at the central region...to see, i mean, to walk around, i'll have to balance out with my right eye vision...big challenge would be the fear of tripping down the stairs - OK for me to climb, slightly difficult when descending...loving it whenever a dearie (you know who you are *wink*wink*) hold my right hand...handrails do help...using a blindman stick?!!ohh...NO please!

ehh...can i drive?!!

YES...YESSSS...i am extra careful laa...

what's with my cute Ryan's plate number: WRV151 - White Ryan V151...visi...hahaha...hahaha...

spending time cruising with sweetheart Ryan makes me happy...

when i am happy...i see clearly...i see the world...i see you...

thank you Allah :)

...whY...

really, i am sad...

i am stubborn...

i don't want to understand what i understand...

because i am stubborn...

i keep on hurting me...

again, because i am stubborn...

ya Allah, please cure my stubbornness...

i LOVE me...

i LOVE sad me too...

...don't doubt me...

you made me terribly lonely

...my wonderful Singapore trip...

Day 1 (08/01/2010)

we started our day as early as 715am…Beebee and me took the LRT from Kampung Baru to KL Sentral, where we met Afiq at the Skybus terminal…we then board the Skybus, which took about 75 minutes to reach LCCT…we’ve already did the web check-in…hence, after dropping our luggage at the specified counters, we went to have our breakfast at Oldtown Kopitiam… 

Flight AK 708 departed at 1000hrs and we reached Terminal 1 Changi Airport at around 1100hrs…weather was fine J there were sooo many people at the immigration clearance counters…ergo, we spent nearly 30 minutes queuing there…after claiming our luggage, we went to hop on the Skytrain to Terminal 2, where we headed straight to the SMRT (Singapore MRT) Ticket Office counter…here, we purchased the 2-days Tourist Pass (used for unlimited rides on all SMRT trains & SBS transit buses)… 

we took our first MRT ride from Changi Airport station to Dhoby Ghaut station; the nearest station to our hotel: Hotel Grand Central…However, we still had to walk for about 7 minutes from the station passing along Istana Park and Plaza Singapura before we reach our destination… 

our rooms were not readied yet at the time we checked in (around 1pm) as we’re supposed to check in at 2pm (standard laa tu)…however, we were allowed to place our luggage…so, we settled ourselves in and off we went out again… 

first thing to do was to makan…we took MRT to Bugis station…there, we headed to Arab Street and found Sultan Mosque – the oldest and biggest mosque in Singapore…we went inside the famous Singapore Zam Zam Restaurant located just opposite the mosque…we ordered Fish Biryani Rice, Mutton Murtabak, Chicken Murtabak, Vegetable Masala, Rose Syrup, Milo Dinosaur and plain water…we tried to enjoy our food like everyone else but we found that the taste were just average…we’ve tasted better places in Malaysia (this is my honest opinion)…anyway, we get a close-up of Encik Ramli Sarip eating there…in fact, he sat just right behind our table… 

after lunch, we took MRT to City Hall station…there, we found our way to yet another famous landmark in Singapore – the Raffles Hotel…this is the most expensive hotel in Singapore…Raffles Hotel only offers bulletproof suites with rates starting from SGD800 per night…woohooo… 

we walked for about 10 minutes, orienteering along Bras Basah Road, looking for Seah Street…at Seah Street, we came across the MINT Museum of Toys…the museum is actually a 5-storey building exhibiting toys collection coming from the back eras…we spent less than 15 minutes touring the whole museum…hahaha…what a waste! it might be OK for those who appreciate collectibles…as for us, we were not that amused…poor MINT…and poor us too :P

later, we took a bus and alight at Temasek Avenue…from there, we walked another 10 minutes to Singapore’s newest attraction – the Singapore Flyer…our flight time was scheduled at 5pm…one flyer capsule can holds about 28 people at one time…as there were not many people, we were lucky to ride the capsule to ourselves…yeay…with no strangers around, we had our best photogedix time…however, half of our flight time, it was raining grizzily…despite that, it was later replaced with the formation of a beautiful rainbow when we were at the top of the flyer…subhanallah… 

alighting from the flyer, we head to the Gelatissimo ice cream parlour…the temperature in Singapore is approximately 33 degrees Celcius…ice cream treats made us happy for walking in the hot, hot sun…we had a double scoops – Chocolate Rocky Road + Passionfruit Sorbet flavours… 

we then took a bus back to the nearest MRT station and board the MRT to Ang Mo Kio station…from there, we board a bus to the Night Safari…it was a 50 minutes journey up to the Northeast side of Singapore…we reached the Night Safari at around 7pm and managed to catch the Thumbuakar tribal performance – all sorts of fire spitting, fire juggling with chants…

before heading to the entrance, we had our dinner at Bongo Burgers…here, we ordered Fish & Chips, Fish Burgers and Peach Tea…they served big portions here…or, was it to level with the ‘touristy-price’ being charged?!! hehe...

we started our Night Safari adventure by covering 2 walking trails: Fishing Cat Trail & Forest Giant’s Trail…next, at 830 pm, we found ourselves sitting at the Amphitheatre to watch the ‘ Creatures of the Night’ show featuring trained wild animals portraying their natural habits…there were the howling wolves, binturong (a kind of a honey bear + monkey breed), fishing cats (wild cats family that looks like a small leopard), cute river otters, wild skunks and a big python…the show lasted for about 40 minutes…we enjoyed it…

at 915pm, we took the tram ride that brought us all around the Night Safari starting from Himalayan Foothills, Nepalese River Valley and Indian Subcontinent…in the middle of the tram ride, we were given option to stop at East Lodge station and venture through the Leopard Trail…alas, we were restless and chose to remain seated inside the tram…we continued our tram journey through Equatorial Africa, Indo Malayan Region, Asian Riverine Forest, South American Pampas and Burmese Hillside…the biggest animal we encounter is surely ‘Chawang’ – the Night Safari mascot…’Chawang’ is an endangered Asian elephant…sooo friendly, he danced to us… 

we headed back to our hotel by bus and MRT…we reached our rooms at 1130pm…ZzzzzzzZZzz…

Day 2 (09/01/2010)

we had our hotel buffet breakfast at Café de Grand…nothing special but I like the porridge…ermm…I only like the porridge… 

we took off around 830am, taking the MRT to Harbourfront station…we then board a bus to Sentosa Island – Asia’s favourite playground…(but I found Genting Highlands to be much better)…perhaps Sentosa will fare better once Universal Studios are open…at the time of writing this, the Resorts World are still constructing the new themed attractions…

our first agenda in Sentosa is to visit the Underwater World…hoho…poor me…never had the chance to go and visit Aquaria KLCC…lol…have to come to Singapore and act as tourist…and so, we had fun at the Touchpool, tickling little fishes…we wouldn’t dare to touch the rays however tame they may be…at the Ray Pool, we played around, knocking the tank and the rays were smiling at us…they just don’t know that we were to think of how nice of them to be grilled, served with ‘ air asam’…ouhh…

then, we went inside the Fossil Museum – learning about the shark embryo, etcetera…this lead us to the cave showcasing various forms of crustaceans – crabs, lobsters…looks yummy yummy too…finally, we went inside the aquarium tunnel (typical Underwater World attraction)…

at 11am, we made our way to the Dolphin Lagoon to watch the animal show…it was a short 15 minutes presentation featuring the 3 siblings of pink dolphins and two well-trained Asian fur seals…fancy to swim with the pink dolphins?!!you need to fork up SGD150 for half an hour session…voila! 

we stopped at Kowloon Food Express for lunch, where we had Chicken Rice and Fishball Soup Noodle…then, we took Sentosa shuttle bus to Imbiah Lookout station…we went to watch the screening of a movie entitled ‘Pirates’ at the Sentosa 4D Magix cinema…we were stung by the bees, attacked by crabs and bad bats and we experienced lots of water splashes… 

after that, we went for a shooting game called ‘Desperados’ at the Sentosa Cineblast…it was an interactive horse-riding simulator…i became the best shooter during training lesson with 48 points but Beebee was the overall best shooter for our session with 87 points…way to go, cowgirl! 

we bade farewell to Sentosa Island at around 1pm, taking the Sentosa Express monorail to VivoCity…we plan to have our lunch there but found no F&B outlet that really fascinates us…we went strolling for a while at the modern garden at the rooftop and left for Funan district, where Afiq intended to search for a camera backpack… 

we took MRT to Clarke Quay station…along the way to Sim Lim Square (quite similar to Low Yat Plaza), we had a version of Singapore street ice cream selling at SGD1 per piece…Afiq opt for the cone type, Beebee chose the wafer crisp type and I had the bread type…

at Sim Lim Square, while Afiq had his time around, Beebee and me did what we like to do best – makan…we spotted Qi Ji – the local fastfood outlet…here, we had Singapore Popiah, Singapore Laksa, Singapore Mee Siam, Bandung with Grassjelly drink and Lime Juice…i gave two thumbs up for Qi Ji’s Singapore Laksa…

we had our move when Afiq came…we took a bus back to Arab Street since we didn’t get a chance to shop on the first day…i wanted to shop for textiles…we went to Sharvan’s…i thought i was in control but i ended up with 3 pairs of kain pasang just for me…OK, enough for Raya…i then bought a pair each for my Mama, Jeleen and Abie…Beebee purchased 2 pairs for herself…ohh..actually, it’s not that the textiles here are cheaper…in fact, i can get better varieties and better deals back in Malaysia…it’s just that I had this idea of people asking,”baju raye ni kain kat mane?” and i will answer with,”ohh, ni kain Singapore~~~”hahaha…silly me…lol…   

we were finished at around 6pm…so, we headed back to our hotel for refreshen up…we went out again at 730pm and we grabbed a quick bite of Old Chang Kee street snacks comprised of fried fishballs, nuggets and sardine puffs… 

we took MRT to City Hall station and made our way to the Lau Pa Sat Festival Market foodcourt for our seafood dinner…we had a great one… we ordered Kampung Fried Rice, Fried Taugeh, Tom Yam Soup, Chilli Crabs, Black Pepper Crayfish (lobster miniatures as we can’t afford to have lobsters), Ice Jelly with Soursop dessert and Iced Lemon Tea…during our dinner, we were entertained by the local performers at the center stage…they have live band singing a range of top chart songs…they even sang Dato Siti Nurhaliza’s ‘Bukan Cinta Biasa’…

maybe Singapore can offer the best chilli crabs but it was difficult for us to get halal seafood there…so, comparing with what we had at Lau Pa Sat, i think our Anjung Ketam in Labuan is still #1… 

after dinner, we walked through Bugis Street (comparative to Petaling Street) and we bought keychains (default souvenirs for friends)…next, we took MRT to Raffles Place station…from there, we went to Singapore’s iconic landmark – the Merlion…Merlion is actually a combination of a mermaid & a lion…we did what others were doing – photoing…we captured the Esplanade Theatres on the Bay (Durian Opera House) as well… and also, the Fullerton Hotel – a 6 stars hotel in Singapore… 

we ended our day by relaxing at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf…we had a sip of Pure Double Chocolate Ice Blended, Mocha Ice Blended and Frosty Lime Juice…we reached our rooms nearly 1130pm…ZzzZzzzzZ…

Day 3 (10/01/2010)

again, I had porridge for breakfast…alhamdulillah…as today we’re no longer had valid Tourist Pass, we took a cab to Suntec City Galleria…we took a cab – this made Beebee happy…at Suntec City, we went to claim our boarding passes at the DUCKtours counter…our tour was scheduled at 10am… 

DUCKtours is an-hour land + water tour covering the city landmarks, Singapore River and civil war monuments…we went around the Singapore Flyer, the Singapore F1 Nightrace track, Sir Benjamin Bridge (the highest and longest bridge in Singapore that links the East & West side), the Merlion Park, the Esplanade Theatres on the Bay, Singapore’s Floating Stadium, the construction of Singapore’s Integrated Marina Complex (actually it will become the second Asia’s Las Vegas next after Genting Casino), Ritz-Carlton Hotel (another 6-stars hotel in Singapore), Raffles Hotel (the most expensive hotel in Singapore – i’ve shared this fact, right?!), the Swissotel (the tallest hotel in Singapore – where people can dine at the top)…overall, it was a good educational tour but please beware of the ‘not – original’ DUCK – they called it CRABtours… 

we went back and checked out from Grand Central Hotel at 1130am…despite that, we left our luggage with the bell’uncle’…now, it’s time for $hopping along Orchard Road…yeay…there are just about soooo many shopping malls – all along one street…we went to you-just-name-it – Wisma Atria, Ion, the Heeren, TANGS, Paragon, Isetan, Wheelock Place, Takashimaya, Lucky Plaza…and guess what – time surely jealous at us…ohh, i forgot to mention – we had our lunch at McDonald’s this time…we had Double Prosperity Beef Burger set meals with Iced Lemon Tea and Twister Fries…they gave you Curry dips for the fries – it tasted sweet…haishh…and the sauces and ketchups were bland too…(McD Malaysia jugak laa best!)

haa…what i $hop?! not much laa…

bought T-shirts for my siblings and me – at CottonOn, Uni Qlo and Discover Singapore…

and i got myself early birthday presents – a Fossil bracelet watch + a 100ml D&G #3 L’imperatrice perfume…i promised these shall be my birthday presents…insyaAllah…if I used before then, I’ll have to get different presents laa plak…so, Liza, sabar ye…

finally, we took a cab to Terminal 1 at around 3pm…there, we checked in, got SMRT and GST refunds, and do some last-minute $hopping at the Duty Free shops…Flight AK 710 departed at 1820hrs and we reached LCCT around 1915hrs…we stopped and rest at Oldtown Kopitiam for a light dinner…then, it was time to head home…

my wonderful Singapore trip…yeay~~~ 

nearing the end of this post, i’ll upload some pictures later once they are ready, OK?!!

thank you for reading -  i truly appreciate that J

...i'll LOVE forever...

i can't deny what i believe...

i can't be what i'm not...

i know i'll LOVE forever...

i know,

no matter what~~~

haha...i miss him :P

...happy me...

lalalalalalala…Malay Cinderella has become emotional soap channel…hahahahahaha...
hey,my life isn’t quite pathetic…I balanced them nicely yaa…

so, my happy updates?!!

last Thursday, went back to Klang with Afif…
celebrated new year at home – watching ‘Fullhouse’ at KBS World…managed to daydream…hehe…bought a ‘New Year’ scooter for Afif…he rode it happily, banging here and there…

happily cherished Yus on her engagement last Saturday…ohh Yus, sooo sooo happy for you! met Shon and Waida…we gossiped…hahaha…apparently, they went to Singapore on 12 December…gave me some useful advices…yeay…

at night, Asterr came to No14 to demonstrate an air-cleaner cum vacuum with additional mattress cleaner…I’ve been avoiding her for the past 6 months…aargghhh…sales people…OKlaa…come laaa…come laa this time…I gave her my most encouraging + interested look throughout the session…and I signed her off asking for her business card (now, where did I put that?!!)…

yesterday, I pampered myself…me time at Aster Spring…congestion came back – I definitely stressed a lot…

later in the evening, went out with Athirah – my half sister as I’ve promised her a Sakae treat…Farid came to pick us up at 230pm…we brought Iman and Afif along…after Sakae, we spend some time at Afif’s favourite store – Toys ‘R Us…I like the new Toy Story figurine collectibles…but, too pricey laa…I want Buzz Lightyear…will compare prices at Toys ‘R Us Singapore…huhuhu...

our outing was kinda short since Athirah need to get back to UiTM…so, went back to Abema’s place to return the kids…I stayed for a while, waiting for the rain to subdued…

the next best thing was at my hairdresser’s for a new year do…yeay…yeay…after I’m done, it was my sweetheart Ryan’s time…we went for a great wash and gleam…

see, where did Y came into the picture?
ermm, I can’t sleep last night…
ehh, no laa…I usually dozed off at 10pm but last night I had some difficulties…thinking with my smart brain – digesting a lot of perspectives…

I know my sayang-sayang don’t want me to get hurt…
hey, there’s no issue here (quoting Harni)…people can always ask…
as long as I’m happy, then I’m OK…

I cleared the air by being frank with Y…glad I did that…I admit my lackings and I apologized…at the same time, I thanked him for I’m happy when I want to care…

my guardian angels – Beebee and Bearbear agreed for me to be tactful…huhu…beyond my control laa…

here’s what I’ve been telling myself and my dearest knows me well enough to know too :
1. My brain is smart
2. My heart is not-so smart
3. My heart is carefree
4. I blog with my heart
5. I blog in real time
6. My heart does not lie

my final say: Don’t belittle other people’s feelings just simply because you don’t have a heart…

p/s: alaa…last2 part entry neh selit2 jgk mainan perasaan…that’s sooo just me…hahaha…hanya Allah yang tahu…kasihku kerana-Nya…

...i knew it...since Tuesday...but, i failed...

Y's father passed away yesterday morning...AlFatihah...may his soul rest with the pious citizen...aminn...

sorry...that's what Q said to me over our phone conversation last Tuesday...so, i knew it since then...yet, i prayed hard and hope i got to comfort Y...

i have to finish what i start...

i am doing my part - my own way...my nature i believe...

i care when i know more than i should know...i blame myself for not trying hard enough to dig in...

Y didn't really open up but he did return my text messages...i just wish i knew the real situation...

but who am i really?

thanks Bearbear and Beebee...being me - i am slow but i care...i want to...

i am me...

Oo Allah, give Y strength to endure this grieve moment...